The Saga of Goldilocks' Life


Goldilocks was hungry. "Crackers and cheese, please!" she whined. In came her mom, bound and gagged with a tray of moldy ritz and blue cheese. "MMMM!" Goldilocks sighed, eating the disgusting dish in one bite.

Then her mom came in and said she needed a psychiatrist named Dr. Grimm. The next day, Dr. Grimm came in. She had a head that had hair that was dyed white. She had about absolutely no teeth. Goldilocks held a deep crush on Little Boy Blue, who was her son.

"Tell me all your secrets," Dr. Grimm intoned, eyes rolled back in her face and lips puckered.

"I married a cow and jumped over the moon!" Goldilocks screeched.

Dr. Grimm pulled her long green curls. "OW!" Goldilocks hollered.

"OW!" Dr. Grimm hollered.

"OKAY!" Then Goldilocks kissed silver.

"Let's think of something EE-vil and MEE-an.....to do to Tiffany!"

"Who's Tiffany?" Goldilocks asked, her mouth full of spiders.

"Tiffany is my friend. She just got married to Golditeeth! She has one and a half kids named Deleted and Halvey."

"Is she gay?" Goldilocks asked curiously.

"NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" Dr. Grimm blew the top off the psychiatric ward.

The fire alarm went off. Five policemen jumped from helicopters. "You're arrested!" Then Goldilocks died.

THE END